Thursday, August 23, 2012

The pathway of love

The pathway of love is not easy. The road is often, "broken and the signs are unclear." (To quote a very wonderful song.) Sometimes I get a little out of focus and start to think of what my life used to be like. You know before the seizures, before all of the medication, before....when life was just simple. A friend would call and say, "hey want to go to the park?" I would say, "Sounds great!" Then proceed to load the kids and off we would go. Fun would be had all afternoon, (minus a few fits) but mostly fun. Now...well now there are medications that can not be given just anywhere, there is food that must be weighed, extra ice packs that need to packed for the falls, extra paper towels, emergency medications, and oh did I mention that nap time is not something that is optional anymore? Nap time is a must now or the seizures will increase. See how easy it is for me to get out of focus?

If I lose my focus, I begin to fear. If I live in fear then I do not live in love. I have found myself slipping down the path of fear many times since the seizures started. Fearing that he will hit so hard that his head will split open, fearing that I will not be there to catch him, (and many times I have not been there) Fearing that someone will feed him something that is not on the diet and he will go into status and be unable to stop seizing. I could go on and on. However living in fear is not living in love. If I focus on the "What if's," I lose site of what is.

What is:
 I am a blessed mother of three wonderful children.
I have a wonderful husband to walk down this road with me.
I am learning that Jesus loves me more every day.
I am able to love and be loved in a way that I never knew.
I am overcome with compassion for families who are walking down a similar road. 

We all have a different pathway to walk. I choose to walk the pathway of LOVE no matter how broken it may be. I am learning a great deal, and I am so thankful for a God who is walking it with me.